Top 10 Websites for Students

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Students these days seem to deal with a lot of stress and have very busy lives with lots going on. Tons of hard work goes into being a student, and the websites on this top ten list all have the possibility of being extremely beneficial for those students (as well as teachers). The listed websites serve many different purposes but are all somewhat similar in that they help with organization and accomplishment as well as motivation and checking your work or getting a better grade.

Though these websites were initially compiled into a list for the use of students, the sites can also help just about anyone who needs that extra bit of drive in their life and could use better organizational skills.

So, for those of you looking to improve your life and work as a student, I present you with this list, meant to meet all of your scholarly needs and assist you every single day. If this helped you at all, don’t forget to leave a comment and let me know, or even tell me if you found any difficulties with these websites or have something to add!

 

 

Quizlet
Quizlet is a website meant for students (and teachers) to help with organization, studying and getting the most when it comes to learning. It can be used to create methods of studying including the use of flashcards, educational games and more. Several years ago, educators actually performed a study comparing Quizlet to the Frayer Model (a graphic organizer aimed to help students learn vocabulary) in a class of students with learning disabilities. The results showed both the preference and effectiveness of Quizlet had better scores than that of the Frayer Model. It’s a great resource for those looking to expand their knowledge and improve their overall education.

 

Grammarly

Having trouble with proper grammar in your writing? This might solve that problem. Grammarly is just what it sounds like, a grammar checker that has the ability to identify a plethora of grammatical errors such as misspellings, incorrect punctuation and even sentence structure. It even has a premium option for those willing to spend a little money to get the best quality service there is. Upgrading to premium is guaranteed to catch errors and correct twice an many mistakes as it would if you used it for free. Additionally, Grammarly’s premium plan has a plagiarism checker to make sure students don’t unintentionally borrow content from other writers. You can become a premium member for just one annual payment at a rate of about twelve dollars per month. Grammarly is a great resource to use, especially when considering all the time you’ll save editing your writing.

 

BibMe

Finishing a writing assignment can be tough, especially with the stress perfectionists are often faced with where they obsessively tweak this or that, or anything else seemingly problematic. With the burden of writing a flawless paper weighing on your shoulders, it’s clear there’s no need for any extra worrying. Often times, when you’re done writing that paper, you just want to put all your sources together and get the bibliography out of the way (though some people work on their bibliography as they go). BibMe is a website that makes this process as painless as possible. It’s used to assist students in creating their citations and can be a real timesaver. The site, designed in 2007, is completely free and will generate the content of your bibliography once you enter in the required information. It offers APA, MLA and Chicago/Turabian formats and will cite journals, websites, books, videos, etc. This is essential for any hard-working student looking to easily wrap up that final bit of their assignment.

 

Prezi

Sharing ideas and using different methods of communication is something that’s very important to our society. Prezi is a website that allows you to create beautiful and informative presentations that you can work on either online or just on your computer. It’s a unique software that even includes zooming and panning features. It’s another great website for saving time, and would be incredibly helpful for those classes you need to present in or even if you’re just trying to get your ideas across to a group of people. Prezi is not free, but it does have a free trial and a few different options if you’re willing to pay. These options are standard, plus and premium which each come with different benefits for that extra amount of cash. It might be a little pricey, but the value of your ability to communicate will be priceless. This is definitely a useful website for all students.

 

Google Scholar

Sometimes finding proper content to use in your bibliography can be really challenging. Google Scholar, a part of Google, was created for use in finding scholarly articles. An online study in 2007 compared online databases such as this one and found that they were practical in use. Additionally, Google Scholar can be accessed for free and offers different search facilities. It can help in the retrieval of any information seemingly obscure, but the citation information isn’t updated very often. However, it is still an amazing and helpful tool for any student to use to find information for their assignments and get work done. You may use it as a primary or secondary resource, but either way your work is guaranteed to benefit from its use.

 

Evernote

Evernote is an organizational site that provides students and teachers with the ability to record detailed notes and then organize them in the way that works best for whatever assignment or project. When visiting the site, users are greeted with the option to sign up and with text referring to Evernote as your “second brain.” The site says, “Capture, organize, and share notes from anywhere. Your best ideas are always with you and always in sync.” This perfectly describes the website because you can get all the info you need into these little notes on your computer, phone or tablet, and additionally can share those files with other people like a teacher that requires notes to be turned in or with classmates. In 2012, a study was published that showed the advantages of “electronic laboratory notebooks” (ELNs) over the use of “paper laboratory notebooks” (PLNs). In a translational science laboratory at New York University School of Medicine, Evernote was used to record experimental information and it was found that, “. . . the numerous advantages of ELNs greatly outweighed the inability to freehand directly into a notebook.” This really helps prove how useful Evernote can be in these settings, as well as its potential for others.

 

XMind

Learning how to organize complex information can be extremely difficult, and developing a mind map is a strategy that students use to clarify their thoughts and build a foundation to work from. This could clearly be useful in a number of situations but is definitely helpful when it comes to the organization of student ideas. XMind is a software that you can use to create mind maps. It has several price options for its usage, the first one being free, but with slightly less features than you would receive if you paid. XMind Plus is the next step up from the free version and offers a customizable theme as well as the ability to export. Finally, XMind Pro is the most expensive but also likely the most beneficial, as you can get a lot out of it. It includes clip art, a brainstorming mode, presentation mode, audio notes and more. It’s another great resource for students looking for excellent technology to help them out with their education.

 

Todoist

Most of us could surely benefit from the use of a program to help organize our tasks and motivate us to complete them. This is exactly what the website, Todoist, is for. It’s a free task manager online that can help students stay organized during the year and keep track of their accomplishments as well as whatever general tasks they need to complete. It’s very easy to use and the effects of its benefit could be limitless. Additionally, for those looking to take things one step further, Todoist does offer a premium plan that costs around 2 or 3 dollars per month and is charged annually. Those who make use of this website could not only feel more accomplished, but may also be happier once potential stressors (difficult tasks) are out of the way.

 

Habitica

Habitica is absolutely perfect for anyone who would consider themselves to be a little bit on the nerdy side or for those of you who love games and would be willing to add a sort of gaming aspect to your everyday routine. Previously, it was called Habit RPG, but its name has since changed. Habitica promotes the development of new (and hopefully positive) habits by taking real world situations and making the tasks you do every day a bit more rewarding. Multiple areas of your life can be managed through Habitica, such as health, work, school, chores, etc. Since often a lot of young people seem to be interested in gaming, this is a really unique and helpful option for some students.

 

Copyscape

Plagiarism is a serious offense these days and even accidentally using the same wording someone else might have used can be seen as wrong. The best thing students can do in this situation is to use a quality resource to check for plagiarism. Copyscape is a good example of this, as its premium service can check for the possibility of plagiarism and inform you if your work is similar to that of another person. This way you can be sure your teachers are likely to give a higher grade, and it keeps you out of any trouble you could have possibly gotten into for just a simple mistake. It’s crucial to use a website like this or a similar program to check for any problem areas that may cause you issues later on down the line.

 

Thanks for reading! I hope it was helpful to you even in the least little bit. This was actually originally written for Listverse, which is a site that lets users submit top 10 lists, but unfortunately it wasn’t accepted. I’m actually okay with that though because it gives me all the more reason to share it here with you all. Let me know what you think!

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Sources (in order):

http://soar.wichita.edu/handle/10057/3986

https://www.indwes.edu/academics/centers/cli/the-learning-academy/6-12-1-3-Link/6-12%201-3%20Link.pdf

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15228951003772645?journalCode=wpsq20

https://deepblue.lib.umich.edu/bitstream/handle/2027.42/78306/Prezi.pdf?sequence=1&isAllowed=y

http://www.fasebj.org/content/22/2/338.short

http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/2211068212471834

http://journals.lww.com/nurseeducatoronline/Abstract/2013/11000/Developing_Scholarly_Thinking_Using_Mind_Maps_in.12.aspx

http://commons.emich.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1052&context=loexquarterly

http://ijse.padovauniversitypress.it/system/files/papers/2006_3_12.pdf

http://oaji.net/articles/2016/553-1466403550.pdf

Quick Lil’ Update

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Didn’t have a specific post planned for today but I recently have been coming up with ideas and I really think you guys will like them as soon as I get them all written. First one should be next week! This is just sort of a quick little update. All is well, just been reading a lot online about blogging as well as reading books in my free time. What have you guys been up to over the past few days? Feel free to comment and update me as well.

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How to Get Motivated

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Let’s talk MOTIVATION.

The one, big and scary concept we all could use in our lives. I don’t know about you guys, but for me, motivation is the ever-elusive drive to follow your dreams and get stuff done. Only one problem though… How do I get motivated?

Over the past year I’ve found myself asking that question a lot and I think I finally found an answer. It works for me and I figured it could help a lot of people if I shared what I call my “motivation method.”

Let’s start by talking about something pretty simple. The secret weapon I have to defeat anything in my way. Rewards.

Now, the important thing to remember is that rewarding yourself for getting hard work done takes a lot of discipline. You only reward yourself when you’ve completed something that stood in your way, and you don’t want the reward to be something potentially bad like spending all your money on junk food. I think the best rewards are often when you get something marked off your “to-do” list and you practice self-care afterwards. Y’know, a little well-deserved me time. Such as:

  • Taking a bath or hot shower
  • Giving yourself 30-60 minutes of free time to play a game or read a book
  • Playing with your pets
  • Watching funny videos you love

Additionally, having that list of things you need to do can really help guide you through the day and make you feel accomplished as you check them off one by one.

Just a few days ago, I found a website that’s helped me get a lot of work done (chores around the house and blog related tasks). It might not work for everybody, but it does for me because it’s sort of like a game. I love gaming and I was looking through the app store for games when I found “LifeRPG.” It’s an app where you get experience and points (like you would in a game) for completing things you need to do in person. This was pretty helpful to me, but then I found another app that basically did the same thing but that has a more appealing design. The app (which also has a website) is called Level Up Life, and I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE it! …Did I get a little too excited there?

lvluplife2

Anyway, Level Up Life has been incredibly helpful to me and I would wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone, especially teens and young adults. It also seems like something really good for creative people or anyone who likes games. Check it out!

lvluplife1And in case anyone didn’t read through everything, here’s a bit of a summary:

  1. Use a to-do list to help organize tasks.
  2. Reward yourself for completing tasks or for finishing to-do list.
  3. PROFIT (Welp, it’s pretty true)

I hope this helped you out. Let me know what you think and how you motivate yourself everyday. 🙂

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5 Tips to Deal with Anxiety

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This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, see my disclosure policy.

Apologies for my latest hiatus, but now I’m back and better than ever with the five tips you need to stop your anxiety in its tracks.

Today my friend and I were hanging out and we went to go see a movie, 47 Meters Down. If you don’t know, it’s about two sisters who go out on the ocean and are lowered into the water whilst inside a cage to see sharks. As in most shark movies, something goes wrong, and we sat on the edge of our seats watching every second of the horror unfolding. (Okay, maybe I covered my eyes just a few times…)

My point is, the movie made me nervous which really got me thinking about how to deal with anxiety. I want to share with you a few of the things I’ve learned that help me get through situations where I’d otherwise freak out. What we want in these situations is most often the hardest thing to get—control, here’s how.

  1. Just breathe. If you’re so upset that you can’t think clearly, the most important thing is to try to calm down. Regulate your breath by using the 4-7-8 breathing method. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 and exhale for 8.deep-breath
  2. Question your anxiety. I want you to think to yourself about whatever has triggered this nervousness, and identify whether or not it’s reasonable. Your anxiety is real, but sometimes we feel fear when we’re actually in a safe place. If you know you’re safe, reminding yourself of that can be helpful.
  3. Challenge negative thoughts. If you’re upset for whatever reason, it can be easy to get down on yourself, but that probably won’t be helpful for you or anyone else. If you’re thinking bad thoughts, chances are you’ll be in a bad mood. Countering this with positive thoughts can make things better. Think “I don’t like this, and I’m doing a good job getting through it anyway” instead of just telling yourself, “I hate this.”
  4. Use your five senses. This is probably my favorite skill to manage anxiety because I love sweets. Giving yourself something to focus on that uses one of your senses can distract from anxiety. Personally, I use Warheads (a super sour hard candy) because the flavor is so intense that it kinda shocks me out of my nervous state. Additionally, I use aromatherapy rollers for calming myself by scent. I’d recommend either of those to anyone. Be sure to let me know what skills you choose! You can buy both Warheads Extreme Sour Hard Candy 2oz. and Tisserand Pure Essential Oil De-Stress Rollerballs (my favorite brand) by clicking those links. They’ll take you to Amazon; it’s a really good deal! If that’s not your thing, try holding ice or applying it to pressure points. The intense cold can actually relax your nerves!
  5. warheadsdone.pngVisit a relaxing website or play a game. Some of my favorites are the following:
    • Rainy Mood – a rain simulator to help you sleep, study, relax, etc. If the website doesn’t work for you, there is a ten hour version of Rainy Mood on YouTube.
    • The Thoughts Room – a website to help you relax and release overwhelming thoughts or worries.
    • BlahTherapy – a place for you to vent your troubles. It can be calming, but remember, it’s not for serious issues such as suicidal thoughts or potential diagnoses. If you or a loved one is in distress, please call a crisis hotline immediately. (USA, UK and Australia. If you’re from elsewhere, find out the hotlines for your area.)
    • Space Bun – an adorable virtual pet game created by Tumblr user “knitbone.” Check out their awesome art!tumblr_inline_orow57DbvN1tl5eef_500

Thank you so much for reading. Let me know if it helped you and if not, please be sure to tell me if you had some sort of problem. Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter and Pinterest so we can be in touch!

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“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.”

Getting Through Panic Attacks

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I had never had a huge problem with my anxiety until this year. I mean, yeah it would come and I’d feel really nervous and sweaty, but I had no idea how much I’d be dealing with today.

– Related posts: 5 Tips to Deal with Anxiety

I’ve had bad experiences with school, and this severe anxiety just sort of gradually developed. Every day I’d feel worse at school, until I reached a point where my anxiety made me feel like throwing up. In class I was hot, sweaty, shaky and terrified. I honestly have no clue if my classmates notice that kinda thing, but I was just in my own little world of freak-out.

Awhile ago, my therapist recommended that I use “DBT skills” that have to do with sensory input. DBT stands for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. This is a type of therapy that takes the cognitive behavioral approach to dealing with mental illness. I have trouble explaining things sometimes, so I’m not sure if that made sense, buuut let’s act like it did.

Here is a really in depth list of DBT skills that you can use in difficult situations. I just really wanted to write something about DBT because it helped me get through some awful anxiety. I was at school (in French class), trying not to throw up from the anxiety, when I pulled a little candy out of my backpack and popped it in my mouth.

This happened to be a warhead, and I’d never had one so I didn’t realize how intensely sour the flavor would be. It kinda shocked me out of my anxiety, like seriously. It was so sour I got dizzy for a second, but it disrupted my anxiety and I was still a little shaky afterwards, but better able to handle the situation.

Sooo, tl;dr

Using something positive that affects your senses can help get you through bad anxiety and probably depression/negative moods as well.

I don’t know about you, but I have spring break pretty soon and I’m super excited! I hope everyone’s doing well and that this post helped you in some way. Au revoir!

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It’s Been Awhile

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It’s been awhile.

Yeah, seriously, it’s been over six m0nths since I last posted, and I think that’s a little ridiculous. I was incredibly excited when I started this blog but I think the idea of writing posts so often intimidated me and I felt overwhelmed… leading to procrastination. Then school started and I got pretty busy, whether it was doing homework or hanging out with friends, there was always an “excuse” not to write on my blog. But now I have the perfect excuse to write.

I started A Little Less Lonely for people like me who struggle with their mental health and dealing with everyday problems in teen life. For me, school is something that’s very hard for me to deal with, and it often throws me into a depressed state where I don’t feel like my usual self. I become more irritable, impulsive and insecure.

So here’s a “quick” update:

School started and things were going well. I had all my work done on time and was making pretty good grades. I had my 16th birthday and got to go to a Pierce the Veil concert, and that’s a band I absolutely love. Everything went well for several months but the winter is always hard for me due to the weather, but also based on the fact that we’re sorta in the middle of the school year and I feel kinda trapped.

December I started getting depressed again, but it was still a good month for me. I hung out with one of my best friends over winter break and started playing my new favorite game, Overwatch (D.va/Mercy main!)

January I went on vacation to Cancun in Mexico which was super fun. The weather was amazing and it was a really beautiful place. I loved hearing the different languages everyone spoke at the resort we stayed at. There was a lot of Spanish and French.

Late January and February was when things really started getting bad for me. I got behind on my school work and withdrew from all social activities and didn’t want to hang out with my friends as often.

I don’t wanna sugarcoat this stuff and act like it’s somehow super easy to overcome this kinda stuff. It is very much the opposite of that. So I’ll tell you what really happened even though it’s kind of embarrassing.

At school, I had an argument with a teacher that made me so angry I ended up shaking, and even raising my voice/being “disrespectful” to a teacher that was causing complications for me. I went to see counselors but ended up getting angry and throwing my phone. My phone is now half broken. RIP phone, can only use the upper half of it.

My anxiety got worse and worse. It’s been terrible and hard to deal with. And, you know what, there’s no reason to hide that. Part of recovering from depression is accepting the bad and learning positive ways to cope.

I think that’s really important. If you’re depressed, things may be awful for you now, but there is always a chance at improvement, even if you don’t completely believe it yourself. After working through challenges, you could be looking back on the time you felt that bad and thinking about how much you improved.

Currently, I don’t go to my high school for anything but French class and “Personal Development.” I do the rest of my classes online in a program connected with my school. It’s really helped me and it makes sure that I’m still in a somewhat social environment so that I can get work done but not be socially isolated.

Doing a lot better right now, and I guess what made me want to come back was the realization that so many other people have felt or do feel as bad as I did. I don’t want anyone to have to go through that horrible time alone. Everyone deserves an ally.

I’m here for you.

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Backstory Time

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This month I finally created my dream blog and made my first post, but it’s been a little more than two weeks since then! Honestly, there’s been a mixture of family drama, procrastination and lack of motivation (which I’ll address in a later post). I am in love with the idea of this blog, so I’m going to stick with it and post as much as I can. It does make me feel kinda nervous though because I want everything to be “perfect” but I realized that this is something I could see as a sort of a good anxiety. It’s enough so I’ll accomplish what I need to (posting & updating), but not so much that I’m really uncomfortable. It’s also helping me with something I’ve had a problem with for the past couple years, perfectionism. I’m learning that it’s okay to make mistakes, and slowly I’m getting over being so harsh on myself for the little things that don’t go how I want. I’d always been more forgiving of others’ mistakes than of my own and that really needed to change.

Now I think I’ll focus on the actual point of this post (which I probably should have been doing). I want to give you a better idea of who I am and how I got here. I’m not sure how interesting it will turn out to be, but I think it needs to be here for you if you can relate (and I guess if anyone just wanted to read it). I’m going to try to go through it quickly, but so much seems to have happened in my 15 years here, y’know?

So, OUR STORY BEGINS… (What am I even doing right now?)

I was born in 2000, which I thought was so cool when I was younger because it’s the year of the dragon. (Such a badass, right?) My parents were a very unstable couple. They never married,  but they had me and my brother (who’s three years and a couple months younger). Obviously, (because I was so little) I can’t remember much, but apparently I had stayed with my grandparents often that I was practically living with them when my biological parents lost custody (for fighting while holding me). Truthfully, I think I’m missing several details, and I’m not sure if I really want to know what those details might be. My grandparents adopted me and are legally my parents, which always confuses people. For future reference, I will be calling my birth parents my “biological” mother or father. Because I was adopted when I was so young, I just call my grandparents mom and dad (and legally they are). I don’t want to go on forever, so I’ll skip over some parts of my life. And I mean, technically they could been seen as important… (Won’t be huge things, I promise)

Elementary school is where it all started, or at least where I remember it starting. I think that’s a little surprising because it was a bad experience for me and since I was younger, it made up a decent portion of my childhood.

I know that after I left that place to go to a middle school, there were some events at my elementary I was invited to. I guess it was so hard for me there that I had high anxiety or even panic attacks when I came back. At the time, I didn’t know what it was or why I felt so horrible.

By now you’re probably wondering what happened that made elementary school so bad. It was the bullying, but I’m still hesitant to call it that. I’ll share this little insecurity of mine with you, I feel like if I say bullying and tell my story, then people won’t think it was bad enough to be called bullying. I’m scared they’ll invalidate the pain I felt. Realistically, since I’m posting this online, it could happen. The thing is, even with this insecurity and even if I’m not so sure of myself, I have to be confident and able to talk about these things. If someone tried to invalidate my feelings, I would be upset (who wouldn’t?), but I would also realize they were not worth wasting time or energy on. Back when I was bullied, I wasn’t able to do that. Not care. I cared so much about the hurtful things they said, but now I think what’s changed is my confidence, which I’ve built slowly over the years. I’ve come too far to let mean comments tear me down. I hope that’s something everyone who’s bullied or who have been bullied will come to understand. Don’t let others determine your self worth.

I don’t remember exactly the first time I was bullied or what happened, but I do know it got bad in 3rd grade. Pretty much everything I remember about that year is bad. I must’ve been 9 or 10 and I think I was probably at a different level of thought than most of my classmates.

Before I continue, I’d like you to be aware that some of my opinions might differ from yours and that’s totally okay! It won’t bother me that you think something I don’t or vice versa, just as long as everyone here respects each other. If there are hateful comments brought to this blog, that’s when things are not okay. Thankfully, everything’s going well so far!

Anyway, as I was saying, in 3rd grade I was starting to think for myself. Everyone in my class believed in God and I did too. One day, I had this moment that I can still remember and clearly picture in my mind. I was in my room and it just kinda hit me. I didn’t believe in God, or any gods for that matter. I was the only one in my class who did not believe in God (or at least the only one who said something, but most of them seemed to believe) and I don’t remember how it was brought up, but I know I told them I didn’t believe. This is kind of a ridiculous sounding story, but it could have been this one time in a classroom, back when Justin Bieber was more of a new thing. A boy in my class said something about Justin Bieber being gay, and what bothered me about that was mainly that he used it as an insult (um, also I’m pretty sure Bieber’s not gay). I’m actually getting a little angry talking about this because it was just so… stupid? I don’t know if that’s the word, but it’s probably the nicest one I could choose. So I told that kid that there’s nothing wrong with being gay because I do not tolerate “homophobia.” It’s just not okay to hate someone for who they love. I’d like to add that being gay was like taboo at that school, and I think I was told not to discuss it at some point. You could really tell who all the homophobes were, and that happened to be everyone in my class. In fact, back when I used to think the same as them, I think I might have been homophobic. When I actually thought about it and realized there was absolutely nothing wrong with it, I was so confused as to why my classmates thought so. Their views could have changed by now, but at the time it was horrible. So this kid goes, “gay people are sick in the head.” I don’t know why, but whenever they said stuff like that I wold kinda awkwardly smile (maybe because of the stupidity? I don’t know). I mean still, thinking about that phrase leaves me kind of in a ??? state. There was a lot of stuff like that. I think I must’ve asked him why, and we got into the religion thing. Another vivid memory I have is being cornered on the playground by like three people and sort of… interrogated? It was super weird. At another point, I had asked a teacher about evolution and she literally laughed at me and said God created us. (I don’t understand why she couldn’t have said that she thought differently, instead of saying it like it’s the only possible answer) I also remember getting tired of the bullying and trying to force myself to believe. I think that same teacher as well as a classmate were trying to “help” me with that. It kinda just makes me sick. An adult and one of my peers were trying to convert me because I was choosing to live the “wrong” way?

Let’s skip ahead a few years to 6th grade. Over the summer, before 6th started, I legit wrote a letter to one of the main guys who bullied me (that I also had a crush on for some strange reason). I told him how it made me feel and asked him to please not bully me anymore.

And that soon became the worst year of my life.

I was really depressed around this time, would go come crying, cry in my room, scream into pillows, etc. I wanted to know what was so wrong with me. Why did they choose me? I remember when I cried I would speak out loud and ask these questions, then either insult myself or cry more. It was a bad time.

At the beginning of the school year, I was called to the principal’s office because of the letter I sent the bully over the summer. This dude’s mom had not contacted my mother to discuss it, nope. Instead, she gave it to the principal. (Because logic, duh.) I think I was in trouble for that for a little bit, but the worst thing was the end of the year. I had an Instagram account where I would post my opinions as well as vent pics and stuff like “Gay is OK” and “Self Harm Awareness Day.” This stuff was actually sent in by someone(s?) to the principal because the parents had a problem with it. Not really sure why they let their children follow me if it was so bad, and some of the kids did end up blocking me. I mean, sometimes the kids would make fun of me at school for my posts, and one girl actually said “Why do you post [that stuff]? Did you think anyone was gonna like it?” This whole thing made me mad/sad. I liked to look at my classmates Instagrams, and it was kinda weird. Like, how dare act like the victim when you’ve hurt me so bad over the years? I also liked to kinda know what was going on. I think the real reason was because I was so mad, I would see their pictures and in my head think really mean stuff. I don’t remember specifics, but it could have been like “Wow, they’re so stupid,” or “She’s so ugly.” I think it’s normal to have judgments and I wasn’t exactly going around telling everyone all these bad thoughts. What was not normal was that I kept going back to these posts and thinking those thoughts. How could those people do this to me? In addition to all that, it was quite obvious that they talked about me behind my back. Sometimes I wonder if they ever randomly think about me because I get these memories involuntarily. I remember all the people who were mean to me, but I doubt they remember me or how hard they made my life. But back to the posts being brought to the principal. Even a post of mine that was supposed to be funny (it was a brown guinea pig sitting on tinfoil and someone had put a small piece of butter on his back so that he looked like a baked potato) was sent in. I don’t really understand how that’s offensive, but I don’t really understand any of what they did.

Eventually, I was so depressed that I posted a picture of a gun from tumblr (it’s black and white and looks kinda artsy). This is literally a picture you can find by searching “tumblr gun bang” in Google. My caption was “had a bad day at school” with a frowny face. This was directed at myself because I wanted to die so bad. And you know, all that stuff was really hard. At this point I’m so proud I made it through.

You can imagine what my classmates’ parents thought though. A mom sent out an email to all these other moms kinda getting them to group together against me (my mom found out because someone who got the email told her). Those parents tried to get me expelled. I was 12 years old and have never hurt anybody. They acted like I was going to shoot up the school. WTF?

My principal told me I couldn’t come back until I got a note from my therapist (who I had started seeing because of everything) saying that I was “not a threat to myself or others.” Of course, we all knew they didn’t  care about me. Otherwise they might have actually done something about the bullying instead of brushing it off the way they did. I was back the next day because my therapist was able to give us the note. I was so angry about everything.

It sucks because I still can feel the rage. I hated them so much and I’ll admit I wanted them to feel as terrible as I did, but I never wanted to do anything to hurt them. The ignorance and the fact that they made my childhood so unbearable just makes me so upset. It’s still something I deal with.

After that, I went to middle school where work piled on and I got behind. After 7th grade, I switched to a therapeutic school. Some drama went down there, but way less interesting than what I was just talking about. After that year (8th), I went back to the school I went to in 7th. That was last year. I managed to stay at that school until March of this year but the work and the stress became too much and I got behind. I was really suicidal those last few months at that school and everyone acted like I wasn’t trying. They couldn’t see or feel how hard I was fighting to just get up everyday, and it’s understandable that it was frustrating for them, but the feeling that no one really got me was horrible. I’ve come really far since then and I’m still improving. I want you to know that you can overcome or make peace with anything negative in your life. It will be okay.

Yep, that’s basically it. Took me a long time to write but I hope that I can help inspire others to get better too. I was in such a bad place and now I’m doing so much better. Anyone can recover.

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